Ma, you Inspire ……... Every single day!

Fastforward to June,2018 – ‘Hello, comparing your 2016 MRI to this one, your Arnold-Chiari seems to have improved. Do you know that’s like a miracle? We have never seen any such improvement ever’ said the neurosurgeon.

Flashback to Nov,2016 – So this is about my Ma. Shortly after her 50^th birthday her drastic deteriorating symptoms from a mere left arm pain to severe dizziness, vomiting, blurred vision to gradual loss of vision and then gradually losing strength of the entire left side led to her hospitalization, enormous medical tests, almost daily MRIs and CT scans, leading to a new term for us ‘Arnold Chiari Malformation’. As the symptoms seemed to have been sliding very soon towards complete paralysis of one side, she had to undergo a major neurosurgery within a week’s time with no other possible options.

Now when I look back to those days, I can really connect to this quote from the book ‘Do No Harm – By Dr. Henry Marsh’ – 

“Death is not the final outcome, at least in case of Neurosurgery”

Though the surgery was successful in Dec,2016 we still were at the end of a dark tunnel and didn’t really know what would come forward for this once independent lady who was now confined to indoors for recovery.

It was a role reversal; she was our baby who had to start her very firsts with us. Its nostalgic while I write this. In this post I would like to share some of my Ma’s milestones through this recovery which made us realize that while we fly high, reach great heights; it’s necessary at times to just pause and breath!

Milestone 1 – Go with the flow

This was the basic milestone for all of us as a family once we were confirmed about the diagnosis and there was no way out other than an immediate complicated surgery ever heard of. We all slowed down for the good; parked all our professional commitments, travel plans, etc. and calmed down for the good.

Though it was like a mystery to know of the final outcomes of this procedure, all we decided to do is take everything as and when it came. We were grateful that the diagnosis was correctly done before it was too late. The only attitude we took was, every situation is a learning for the future, so let’s take it calmly.

Learning – Forget what’s gone, appreciate the present and look forward to what’s coming next

Milestone 2 – Self Acceptance

Transition from having beautiful long hairs to shaved head for the surgery or from being super independent to dependency for basic necessities or the feeling of taking the longest ever sick leaves from work, all of this had really shaken Ma from within. While change is inevitable, accepting such changes were not really acceptable to her. We all struggled to make her understand that the basic that her body wanted was rest before everything else.

Quotes

A few sessions with the occupational therapist helped her gain a lot of confidence. She could now do her basic activities like feeding herself, dressing up while still in a stiff neck collar with limited neck/head movement. Slowly she was convinced that the recovery was much slower than any other surgery but that didn’t mean she cannot be independent again. This added as a boost in her self-confidence.

Milestone 3– Unwind

Though it was tough for her to not be her usual self, I had never seen Ma unwind her days like then. She did not have to rush for work, nor was she supposed to be a good parent single handedly managing two kids. She didn’t have to worry for preparing food daily or getting chores done through the day.

She could wake up late than usual and go through the day in her own pace. I still remember her peeping through the window enjoying a football match of the local kids. She could spend a lot of time just watching the television no wonder it was a cartoon show which we as adults hardly see.

I had not seen her so relaxed before, as if the universe had conspired this for her to slow. I loved seeing her soak in the morning sun after a warm bath or those relaxed expression after the daily head message or me trying to give her a home facial because no salon was good enough to handle a patient. I know when you are unwell and do not feel like holding your head high, these things do not at all sound as pleasures but they were the much needed pause in this ever racing life.

Learning - At times its absolutely fine to just get through our days. That too is satisfying. You cannot always be on a mission to achieve something huge.

Milestone 4 – Starting from zero

We are so busy usually climbing up the ladder that we miss the basic joys like just accomplishing the basic tasks of the day. After Ma’s first follow up post-surgery, she had been given a nod by the medicos to start with her daily chores.

Getting off the stiff neck collar was a challenge. She was by now accustomed to rotating her eyeballs so much because of limited neck movement, that she didn’t want to get off the collar as it was painful and she could manage with limited neck movement.

With continuous physiotherapy sessions and head massages, she got off the collar for the good, started rotating the neck (obviously limited axis of rotation due to the surgery). It was all like a small bird first time moving out of its nest. We celebrated every small achievement like going out first time for a walk after three months, like going out to the shopping mall and family dinner after a long time. The best part was she started cooking delicious dishes for us. Most activities made her tired, but cooking never did, she enjoyed it. We learnt cooking was her passion and also added like a therapy.

The best of it all was her first day back to work. The feeling was like a small kid’s first day to school. She was conscious about her short hair look or would her physical limitation also limit her work. She draped the saree for the first time post recovery and when she was at her office gates, she was welcomed with hugs. The co-workers were delighted and celebrated her return. They altered her workstation to cope with the limited neck movement, made her more comfortable, and soon it was ‘business as usual’ !

And then followed many more first timers after the surgery, and we still celebrate them! (it would be too much to list here all)

Learning – Celebrate every day, every baby-step because it still means progress…slow and steady!

Milestone 5 – Lifestyle modification

Ma has always been impatient and hyper. She has the excitement like a kid. That amazes me even now, the quest to learn new things. Though it is good, she has been asked to slow down and do her tasks in a slower pace so as to avoid sudden reflexes. She is trying it every day.

She has become a regular practitioner of Yoga, because this helps her spine to get through the day. I am marveled how she does the Sun salutations (suryanamaskaras) every day in the morning. Not only her, me too, we are really careful about our spine. I guess all of us needs to protect it to last longer. Our desk jobs are putting it at danger.

With guidance from the physiotherapist, she has picked up many strength training exercises like planks and ones using thera-bands. Her pre to post-surgery progress is marvelous. She has regained or rather gained more strength in her once weaker left limbs.

Learning – Your body is the place you will be residing for the longest time, so take care of yourself first!

Milestone 6 – The independence

What we had realized very soon after the diagnosis was, this lady had been independent all her life and she was hating all the limitations this ailment had put her into. Though we as her kids love her and would take care of her for the lifetime, that would simply mean taking away her independence.

We encouraged her to get back to work and once she did that, it has tremendously boosted her confidence. She need not work for making money or feeding heads but to protect her individuality and independence and we respect that.

She was strictly restricted to ride a two-wheeler which was her basic mode of transport otherwise. I am glad she is taking up car driving lessons. I am also happy she can travel alone now; she has made considerable changes to travel light as she is restricted of carrying heavy luggage.

What I learn seeing her is, any physical limitation is not strong enough to take away your independence. That’s basic and no one can deny it to you unless you have limited yourself.

Learning - Freedom is our basic right and our constitution is not only responsible for it. We are!

Milestone 7 – Driven by passion

Travel has been basic to Ma. In fact, all of us including Ma had cancelled our vacations for the surgery. So we celebrated the one year to surgery with a vacation to the Andaman and Nicobar Islands. She was the excited among all of us and had done a lot more research compared to us before the travel. Don’t tell her doctors; but she participated in many water activities like snorkeling, glass boat rides and yes she also swam in the ocean. It skipped our heartbeat but the salinity of the ocean seemed to have cured everything for her.

Ma enjoying the Andaman Sea view

She is also going for picnics with friends and socializing as before. Ma likes being among friends and family, the more the better, so she is back everywhere with them. Definitely her friends have been her best dose of confidence all through the recovery.

Nurturing her home grown balcony garden adds to her daily joys and the proof of it is her huge sized flowers that bloomed in the spring. She is also trying to get back to her music practice as the violin is already gone for repair.

Learning – It’s important we have a passion for our free times and more important is to nurture it.

Cheers To New Beginnings -

While every child sees superpowers in their parents, as a kid I remember I could not bear the idea of my Ma growing older. I was annoyed even if it popped up in a conversation.

I was so right then, My Ma cannot be old, she is a radiance of joy and energy which merely cannot be defined by the number of years that have passed.

Image sourced from Internet

Dreams and goals can be fulfilled at any age. Nothing is going to stop you from that. All that matters is happiness, and everything else is temporary. She or rather we are ready for it, come what may, will always be greeted with happiness and more strength.

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**Notes -
About Arnold-Chiari Malformation - Well this hardly makes any sense to most of us. Before I complicate more with the medical terms, to cut short it’s a chronic neurological condition where a deformity in the spinal structure can cause the bone of cervical spine to push the brain stem thus leading to descending of the cerebellum (small brain) from its position inside the skull. The symptoms can be left untreated until they cause serious problem or challenge a person’s life.